“Trials are sacred between us”

Something God has been revealing to me is that he desires for us to know him deeper and more intimately than just the God who saves us from our troubles. He desires to be known as the Father and Friend who is with us, in our troubles. It is true that he loves to save us from our circumstances, and the amount of scripture that points to him doing so is enormous. And yet, the understanding of God that leads us to interact with him primarily as the “fixer of our circumstances” very much resembles an infant’s understanding of their Father. Crying because we’re hungry and refusing to feel loved until we are fed. The Father loves to care for his infants, but he also desires us to grow up into a knowledge of him that allows us to feel his love and presence without him immediately fixing our circumstances. This is the kind of knowledge that allows us to live in fascination of him.

God has been teaching me this for a while, and like most things God teaches me, I’m amazed how easily I learn it intellectually, but how much experiential repetition it takes to rewire my thought process enough to actually be transformed by it. I think it’s pretty safe to say that James 1:2-4 and Romans 5:3-4 are some of the most easily quoted scriptures by church-going Christians. Yet, when we go through trials or suffering, how common is it to pray for an awareness of his presence, affection for us, and victory before we ask him to change our circumstance? The aforementioned awareness IS our strength. So, I’m learning to ask for this strength as opposed to asking for the burden to be lifted.

Last week was a meaningful moment in my experiential learning. I had a heart-breaking situation, and it wrecked me. After a tumultuous night, I woke up to pray before work and just wept profusely as feelings of sadness and hopelessness overwhelmed me. I was honest with God that it was hard to believe he loved me in the moment. “How could you love me if you’re allowing this to happen to me? If you’re allowing this, you must be mad at me.” I shared my brutally honest feelings with him (Fun fact: This is always the first step to life-giving intimacy with him). In the moment, I had just enough awareness of his nature to seek his strength by writing a prayer to the Holy Spirit. “Holy Spirit, I know that a mindset of hope, founded in love, can shine and bring life. I don’t know how, but Holy Spirit, help me to believe in the Father’s delight for me that I might shine. Keep me, sustain me, and satisfy me Lord.”

A couple of hours later, I was on a walk, still feeling discouraged, fighting off the enemy’s lies when the Holy Spirit gave me a phrase. “Trials are sacred between us”. I realized that challenging moments like these are intended to be some of the most intimate times between us! When I have no circumstantial comfort, only Him. It was a sacred moment because it was just us. His intense desire to be close to me in my sadness lifted my spirits and gave me courage. He gave me awareness and revelation of his love to strengthen me rather than fixing the circumstance. I felt honored to have the living God draw me into intimacy with him through suffering, just like Paul describes in 2 Corinthians 1. Relying on Him. Relying on love. This is obviously for our benefit, since circumstances change and He doesn’t. Intimacy with us is his primary goal. The natural result of this intimacy is that we become coworkers to change the very circumstance that was troubling us in the first place.  

My hope is that not one trial would be wasted, but that we would continually learn to allow the Holy Spirit to be our comforter. And that, through this holy comfort, we all might be strengthened with a power not of this world. The more we ask the Holy Spirit to make us aware of the Father’s delight in us, the stronger we become and the more we shine. We no longer cry out, asking him to save us from the valley of the shadow of death (because he already has). Instead, we let his love for us shine in the dark, overflowing, walking in trials with a hopeful expectation of his kingdom breaking into new territory. This IS Philippians 4:13 unto the power of being content in all circumstances. Shining like Philippians 2:15.

And of course, in my story, the Holy Spirit did what he’s famous for. He brought reconciliation and healing to the circumstance. Although I acted to bring this about, it wasn’t my effort but just the natural overflow of the reconciliation, love and peace that I already have with Him. Thank you, Holy Spirit, for making me aware of the Father’s heart. Thank you for making me aware of Jesus. Thank you for reminding me of who I am to you.